Have you ever wondered why arguments arise in the first place – in a team, in a family, or at work? And if so, have you ever thought about how to get rid of them, or better yet, how to prevent them altogether? I will answer you without hesitation – yes, it is possible, but. The main condition, without which it is not even worth starting, is a mutual desire to prevent them. This process requires the participation of not just one person, but everyone involved and interested. Because even if one of the opponents is super-conscious and incredibly advanced, they will still remain a voice crying in the wilderness. Therefore, if all members of the team are interested in further cooperation, then getting rid of the sticky claws of manipulative techniques will have to be done exclusively by everyone together. 

How does manipulation differ from a direct request? And does it differ? And if so, what exactly is the difference? Yes, there is a difference, and it is a big one. Manipulation does not even give you the opportunity to make a clear and conscious choice; it twists not only your arms and legs, but – worst of all – your mind. 

But a calm human request gives you time to breathe and think, and does not twist or distort anything at all. And that’s great, because if your colleagues, friends and acquaintances behave appropriately and don’t try to manipulate you, it gives you the space and breathing room you need for calm communication, which is a good thing. And, by the way, it benefits not only you, but the whole team. After all, the difference between a normal request and a manipulative one is that those who intend to manipulate you try to influence you by pressing on your ‘sensitive spots’ –  duty, fear, shame, and especially guilt. The manipulator’s goal is to make you experience either one of these feelings or the whole range at once. And this is a real hidden psychological influence, because they are trying to control you, but not directly, but in such a way that you do not notice it. Accordingly, after such toxic communication, instead of feeling energised, you feel internal disappointment, you are left with a rather unpleasant aftertaste and a subconscious feeling that they are simply trying to use you. 

A direct request is a calm and open expression of one’s desire. The person treats you with respect, does not beat around the bush, and does not try to corner you. Their tone is also balanced and tolerant. Importantly, such a person leaves you the right to choose, meaning that any answer you give, including a negative one, is accepted appropriately, without counter-pressure. The opponent’s goal is to get help from you, but not by trampling on your self-esteem, but through a normal dialogue between two equal interlocutors. And even if you are talking not to a colleague but to your boss, in this case, a truly mature leader will communicate with you as an equal, because megalomania is the lot of complacent fools. 

The conclusion from today’s article is obvious: manipulation does not give you the slightest freedom of choice and oppresses you, while a direct request and the right to choose leaves you with a sudden desire to help as much as possible and take a step towards the other person. And that’s so important, isn’t it?