When natural, normal concern for another person first becomes excessive, then obsessive, and eventually hypertrophied, it ultimately turns into pathological concern after all these transitional stages. And if normal and adequate care is a completely natural and commendable feeling, then obsessive attachment becomes simply a painful desire to control another person, helping them in every way possible, even at the expense of neglecting one’s own personal goals and needs.

By “saving” another person in this way, a person hopes to feel their own importance, but in the end, they only make things worse for themselves and the other person, depriving them of a basic sense of responsibility. American psychotherapist Eric Berne developed an instructive theory called transactional analysis, which aims to understand how people interact with each other (by entering into ‘transactions’) and why some communication scenarios lead to peace and harmony, while others lead to various manipulations and, ultimately, inevitable conflicts. Analysing Eric Berne’s teachings is a topic for more than one or two posts, so we will not digress now and will only mention the popular communication model developed by Berne’s student: the Karpman triangle.

The three components of this triangle are the Victim, the Rescuer, and the Persecutor. These roles are not about real circumstances, but about internal positions in communication, and all of them are unhealthy. Even if at first glance the Rescuer in this triangle seems promising, in reality things are not so rosy, and it is important to get out of any role in this fateful triangle as soon as possible.

Pathological concern is the classic Rescuer from Karpman’s most dramatic triangle. If you do not notice this role in yourself in time and work to eradicate it, deep inner disappointment, emptiness, and severe stress are inevitable. In due course, we will begin to figure out how to get out of not only the role of the Rescuer, but also the other two roles — the Victim and the Persecutor. Each of them is harmful in its own way, so discovering and then eradicating them is an essential step on our journey to the desired land of success and self-realisation.

In the meantime, try to analyse your close relationships and find answers to the following questions: “Do I spend the lion’s share of my energy not on myself, but on thoughts and worries about another person? And if so, is this at the expense of my own needs and goals?” After honestly answering these questions, remember the following words: “True love and care for others begins with sincere care and love for yourself.”