When natural, normal concern for another person first becomes excessive, then obsessive, and eventually hypertrophied, it ultimately turns into pathological concern after all these transitional stages. While normal and adequate care is a completely natural and commendable feeling, obsessive attachment becomes a pathological desire to control another person—helping them in every way possible, even at the expense of one’s own personal goals and needs. By “saving” another person in this way, one hopes to feel their own importance, but in the end, they only make things worse for themselves and the other person, depriving the latter of a basic sense of responsibility.

American psychotherapist Eric Berne developed an instructive theory called transactional analysis, which aims to understand how people interact with each other (by entering into “transactions”) and why some communication scenarios lead to peace and harmony, while others result in various manipulations and, naturally, inevitable conflicts. Analyzing Eric Berne’s teachings is a topic for more than one or two posts, so we will not digress now. We will only mention the popular communication model of Berne’s famous student: the Karpman triangle.

The three components of this triangle are the Victim, the Rescuer, and the Persecutor. These roles do not describe real circumstances, but rather internal positions in communication, and all of them are unhealthy. Even if the Rescuer role initially seems promising, in reality, things are not so rosy, and it is important to exit any role in this fateful triangle as soon as possible.

Pathological concern is the classic Rescuer role in Karpman’s most dramatic triangle. If one does not recognize this role in themselves and work to eradicate it, deep inner disappointment, emptiness, and severe stress are inevitable. In due course, we will explore how to exit not only the Rescuer role but also the other two roles—the Victim and the Persecutor. Each of them is harmful in its own way, so identifying and then eradicating them are essential steps on the path to self-realization and self-sufficiency.

In the meantime, try analyzing your close relationships and answer the following questions: “Do I spend the lion’s share of my energy not on myself, but on thoughts and worries about another person? And if so, is it at the expense of my own needs and goals?” After honestly answering these questions, remember: “True love and care for others begin with sincere care and love for yourself.”