Is it possible to show leniency toward a person and forgive them while deep down clearly understanding that they are categorically wrong? Imagine that it is. And not only is it possible, but it is also necessary. Why? Because forgiveness itself is a conscious gesture that allows you to stop harboring resentment, thereby releasing a great deal of energy.

After all, some people carry unbearable pain within themselves for years, replaying long-forgotten arguments over and over again. By mentally forgiving a person, you take a huge weight off your shoulders because you no longer have to wait year after year: will they call or won’t they? Will they apologize or won’t they? And it feels wonderful when your inner peace no longer depends on someone else’s meager remorse.

It is very important to understand that no matter how sincere your forgiveness may be, it does not undo what has already happened, nor does it change your conclusions about the person. What does this mean? It means that you still understand what they are capable of, but you no longer dwell on what happened, thereby freeing valuable energy for your future achievements.

Reconciliation, on the other hand, is something entirely different. In this case, you are rewriting your relationship, changing the rules of the game for both participants. It is no longer about “indifferently forgetting,” as in the case of forgiving and letting go, but about giving another chance.

However, it is essential to take into account one important nuance: the implementation of new agreements must be mutual. Otherwise, you may simply slide back into the old scenario. And not just slide back, but make things even worse. Therefore, you need to think carefully: is it worth taking such a risk for the sake of new and uncertain prospects? If you see that it is still worth the effort, then take the chance and give the relationship a second opportunity.

An excuse, on the other hand, is a kind of self-reprogramming — an attempt to present a blatant and unacceptable offense as something acceptable and less serious. But such a “disguise” does not solve the original problem; it only exacerbates it.

Phrases such as “Well, he didn’t do it on purpose,” “I probably provoked him myself,” “He had good reasons to behave that way,” or “Well, it happens to everyone” may seem like mature reasoning, but in reality they can make a person a hostage to the slightest fluctuations in someone else’s mood.

Therefore, before rushing into another round of excuses, ask yourself once again: “Is it worth justifying something that I know deep down is absolutely unacceptable to me?”

All three of these reactions can also be mixed together. For example, you can (and often should) forgive, but at the same time not reconcile, saying or thinking: “I am letting go of my resentment for my own sake, but I see no reason to continue the relationship.”

Another option is to forgive but not justify: “I am no longer angry, but I still consider what happened unacceptable, period.”

In theory, reconciliation without full forgiveness is also possible: “I see positive changes in you, so I think it is possible to start the relationship with a clean slate, even though the old wound has not yet fully healed.” In order for these moral wounds and emotional bruises to heal faster, we need to learn to forgive sincerely as soon as possible so that we can finally stop suffering from the past — stop suffering and start living right now, living a full and rich life.