Is it possible to show leniency towards someone and forgive them, even when you clearly understand deep down that they are categorically wrong? Not only is it possible, it is sometimes necessary.

Forgiveness is a conscious gesture that allows you to stop harbouring resentment and release a great deal of energy. After all, some people carry unbearable pain for years, replaying a long-forgotten argument over and over in their minds.

By forgiving someone in your mind, you lift a huge weight off your shoulders, freeing yourself from waiting for a call or apology. It’s wonderful when your inner peace no longer depends on someone else’s half-hearted remorse.

It is very important to understand that no matter how sincere your forgiveness may be, it does not undo what has already happened, nor does it change your conclusions about the person. This means that you still understand what they are capable of, but you no longer dwell on what happened, thereby generating invaluable energy for your future achievements.

Reconciliation, on the other hand, is an entirely different matter. It involves redefining your relationship and establishing new terms for both parties. It is no longer about “indifferently forgetting,” as in the case of forgiving and letting go, but about giving someone another chance. However, it is essential to consider one important nuance: the implementation of new agreements must be mutual; otherwise, you may simply slip back into the old scenario you have already experienced—and sometimes even worse. Therefore, think carefully: is it worth taking such a risk for unclear prospects? If you conclude that it is, you can take the chance and give the relationship a second opportunity, but remember that on average only about 15–20% of couples stay together after reuniting.

Justification is a way of reprogramming oneself by attempting to present an unacceptable wrongdoing as acceptable or less serious than it really is. Such rationalizations do not solve the underlying problem; they only exacerbate it. Phrases like “Well, he didn’t do it on purpose,” “I probably provoked him myself,” “He had valid reasons for behaving that way,” or “Well, it happens to everyone” may seem like mature reasoning, but in reality, they make a person a hostage to the slightest fluctuations in someone else’s mood. Before rushing into another round of excuses, ask yourself: “Is it worth justifying something that is absolutely unacceptable to me deep down?”

These three responses can also be combined. For instance, you can (and should) forgive someone without reconciling, thinking: “I am letting go of my resentment for my own sake, but I see no reason to continue the relationship.” Another option is to forgive without justifying, saying silently or aloud: “I am no longer angry, but I still consider what happened unacceptable, period.” In probability terms, there can even be reconciliation without forgiveness: “I see positive changes in you, so I think it is possible to start a relationship with a clean slate, even though the old wound has not yet healed.”

To help these moral wounds and mental bruises heal, we need to learn to forgive sincerely. Only then can we stop suffering from the past and start living right now—embracing a rich and fulfilling life.